Divorcing a Difficult Spouse in California: What to Do When They Stall, Stonewall, or Sabotage
Getting divorced in California doesn’t require mutual agreement. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy when your ex refuses to cooperate.
Whether they’re ignoring deadlines, trying to dodge financial disclosure, rejecting reasonable negotiation, or playing games to delay the process, their behavior can make your divorce feel like a slow burning nightmare.
Here’s the truth: your ex can’t stop the divorce. California is a no-fault divorce state, and if one spouse wants out, the court will eventually grant it.
The challenge is managing the delay, expense, and emotional wear-and-tear caused by a spouse who refuses to engage constructively. When one party stonewalls or sabotages the process, divorce becomes more complex. Strategic legal guidance is essential. An experienced divorce attorney can help you cut through the noise, enforce compliance, gather the evidence you need, and move the case forward, even when your ex is doing everything they can to stall or derail progress.
An experienced divorce attorney helps you pick your battles wisely, making sure your time, energy, and legal fees are focused where they matter most, so your spouse’s bad-faith tactics don’t derail the outcome.
In high-conflict cases like this, a strategic legal approach isn’t optional, it’s essential.
When One Spouse Refuses to Play Fair
Divorce becomes more complex, and costly, when one party refuses to participate in good faith.
If your spouse is:
Withholding financial records or avoiding required disclosures
Refusing to retain an attorney or negotiate reasonably
Ignoring attempts to resolve things outside of court
Undermining your custody rights or parent-child relationship
Sending reactive or inflammatory messages but never engaging in real problem-solving
…it’s not just frustrating. It’s destabilizing. And it’s often strategic; a power play designed to create leverage or control the timeline.
We’ve helped many clients navigate these exact scenarios. The key is staying grounded, strategic, and above reproach. Courts take note of your behavior just as much as your ex’s. And as the saying goes, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Mirroring bad behavior may feel tempting, but it almost always undermines legal positions.
Judges typically take a dim view of parties who obstruct or delay the divorce process and can impose serious consequences, including monetary sanctions. But they also recognize and reward credibility. If your spouse is playing games, you’re not powerless. There are concrete legal steps you can take to protect yourself and move forward. Just don’t poison the well.
One Spouse Can’t Block the Divorce
Let’s get one thing clear: your ex does not have to agree in order for the divorce to move forward.
If your spouse fails to respond to your Petition for Dissolution within 30 days of service, your attorney can pursue a default judgment. The court can then issue binding orders on property division, custody, and support, even without your spouse’s participation.
This happens in cases where the other party:
Buries their head in the sand
Tries to control the narrative by refusing to engage
Uses avoidance or chaos as a tactic
The court won’t wait forever. And neither will you.
Courts Don’t Tolerate Games
California family courts expect both parties to participate in good faith, especially when it comes to financial disclosures, presenting facts in litigation and negotiation, and child custody matters.
If your spouse:
Misses deadlines
Refuses to respond to discovery
Fails to disclose assets or income
Tries to hide money
Violates restraining orders
Sabotages parental relationships
…they’re not doing themselves any favors.
Judges have broad discretion to impose serious consequences, including:
Monetary sanctions and attorney’s fees
Evidentiary penalties (blocking them from presenting evidence)
Adverse inferences (assuming they’re hiding something)
Case management orders to force movement
Limiting child custody rights
The bottom line? Neither obstruction nor revenge are winning legal strategies. Courts reward transparency, efficiency, and fairness, and they notice when someone is deliberately causing delay or unecessary chaos.
Financial Disclosure Isn’t Optional
California requires full, accurate, and timely financial disclosure in every divorce case. That includes:
FL-150: Income & Expense Declaration
FL-142: Schedule of Assets & Debts
Supporting documentation, such as bank statements, credit card statements, and tax returns.
In addition, your attorney can:
Serve formal discovery
File a Motion to Compel if the other side does not produce
Request monetary sanctions and attorney’s fees
Issue subpoenas directly to third parties, like banks or credit card companies, to obtain information
By contrast, your compliance matters. When one party follows the rules and the other does not, the court tends to side with the rule-follower.
Emotional Manipulation Can Count as Non-Cooperation
Sometimes, uncooperative spouses go silent. Sometimes, they fight tooth and nail. All of this is emotional manipulation designed to wear you down or keep control.
This can look like:
Threatening to drag things out or “leave you with nothing”
Begging to reconcile
Making promises to cooperate, then constantly shifting the goalposts
Blaming you for the divorce or their own delays
These tactics are meant to confuse, destabilize, and derail your momentum. If this sounds familiar, document everything (emails, texts, voicemails, social media posts). Courts pay attention to patterns of behavior and motives, especially when they impact co-parenting, financial transparency, or the ability to reach resolution. We have used screenshots of threatening messages in court to prove the bad-faith party’s motives behind scorched earth tactics.
Then there’s another category of manipulation: weaponizing the legal process itself. This might include:
Sabotaging agreements at the last minute
Withholding spousal support, child support, or parenting time to punish you
Filing baseless pleadings or dragging out discovery intentionally
In these situations, your legal team can take action. We can respond with:
Formal meet-and-confer letters to push for compliance
Requests for temporary orders to protect your finances, custody rights, or property, and raise the issue of bad faith
FIle motions to compel
Seek sanctions
Case management motions to impose structure
No matter the form manipulation takes, the solution is the same: keep your footing. Stay calm, document carefully, act above reproach, and let your legal team help you move forward with clarity and control.
What If You’d Rather Avoid Litigation?
Just because your spouse is difficult now doesn’t mean you’re heading to trial. In many cases, they start cooperating once they realize:
The court will move forward without them
Delay isn’t a free pass, it creates consequences
Extra attorney fees are expensive
You’re no longer playing their game
An experienced attorney can walk the line between firmness and flexibility: enforcing deadlines, protecting your rights, and keeping the door open for resolution if your spouse eventually gets on board.
Sometimes the best way to invite cooperation is to move forward without needing it.
Final Thoughts
If your spouse is stalling, stonewalling, or sabotaging your divorce in California, you are not powerless, and you are not alone.
With the right legal strategy, you can:
Enforce court deadlines
Compel cooperation
Request sanctions for misconduct
Finalize your divorce, with or without their help
If you're facing a difficult or high-conflict divorce in Los Angeles, especially one involving a spouse who won’t play fair, we’re here to help you take the next step with clarity and strength.
Let’s talk about your options.
Related Reading: Financial Infidelity: What It Is and How to Protect Yourself — Learn how to spot the red flags, safeguard your assets, and protect yourself when your partner isn’t being financially transparent.
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Emily Rubenstein Law PC is a full service divorce and family law firm. We proudly serve Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, West Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Culver City, the South Bay, Glendale, Pasadena, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Encino and all of Los Angeles County.
Give us a call or check out our website:
(310) 750-0827 | www.emilyrubensteinlaw.com