Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer During Your First Consultation
Choosing a divorce lawyer can feel surprisingly difficult.
Most people know the obvious questions to ask during a first consultation: How much is your hourly rate? What is the retainer? How long have you practiced family law? Who will work on my case?
Those questions matter.
But choosing a divorce attorney is different from hiring someone for a discrete legal transaction. You will work closely with this person for months or even years. You will rely on their advice when making decisions about your children, your finances, your home, your business, and issues that will affect your life long after the divorce is over.
So, your first consultation with a divorce lawyer should tell you much more than what the lawyer charges or basic information about their practice.
You are also trying to figure out: How does this person think? Do they take the time to understand what actually matters to me? Will they have the fortitude and integrity to tell me things even if I don't want to hear them? Do I understand them? And, perhaps most importantly, do I trust their judgment when the answer is not obvious?
Those questions are harder to put on a checklist, but they are also some of the most important things to learn during a divorce consultation.
Here are some questions worth asking, and what you should actually be listening for in the answers.
1. Based on What I've Told You, What Can You Tell Me About My Biggest Priorities?
Most people arrive at a divorce consultation with certain outcomes they care about more than others.
Maybe your priority is maintaining substantial parenting time with your children. Maybe you want to keep the family home. You may be concerned about the amount or duration of spousal support, protecting a business, or making sure you have enough liquidity to establish your life after divorce.
Tell the attorney what matters most to you and ask what they can tell you based on the information you have provided so far.
A good divorce lawyer should be willing to provide meaningful guidance and an informed preliminary assessment. But be cautious of an attorney who confidently predicts an outcome before they have the information necessary to do so. It can feel reassuring, particularly when you are scared or overwhelmed, but that expression of “certainty” is often inaccurate and can effectively be a sales pitch.
The attorney should be able to explain the applicable law, identify the issues that are likely to matter, discuss potential outcomes, or flag areas of concern. But sometimes the responsible answer is:
“Based on what you have told me, here is how I see the issue right now. But I would need to review these documents or learn more about these facts before I could give you a reliable opinion.”
That may be less satisfying than hearing exactly what you hoped to hear. It may also be far more valuable.
Be cautious about an attorney who seems willing to guarantee outcomes, tells you exactly what you want to hear without asking enough questions, or makes sweeping conclusions before understanding the relevant facts and reviewing the documents or file.
You should leave a consultation feeling more informed, not simply more validated.
2. What Would You Need to Know Before Advising Me?
Divorce cases are fact-specific. One of the most valuable parts of an initial consultation can be identifying what we know with reasonable certainty, what we do not yet know, and what information we need to obtain to begin developing a strategy.
Ask what information the attorney would want before advising you more definitively.
If the issue is spousal support, they may need to review income records, understand the marital standard of living, or learn more about each spouse's financial circumstances. If you are concerned about keeping the family home, the attorney may need information about its value, the mortgage, how it was acquired, and the source of funds used during the marriage. In a custody dispute, the lawyer may need to understand the historical parenting arrangement, review communications, or learn more about the children's particular circumstances.
Sometimes formal discovery is necessary. Sometimes financial records need to be obtained. An asset may need to be valued. An expert may need to be consulted. And sometimes the lawyer simply needs to hear more of the story.
That is not a lawyer avoiding your question. It is a sign that they understand what is required to answer it responsibly, and are taking your case seriously.
Be cautious of certainty that has not been earned.
One of the qualities you are evaluating during a divorce consultation is whether the attorney has the judgment to know the difference between an informed preliminary assessment and a conclusion that requires more information.
A good lawyer should be able to tell you both: what they think based on what they know now, and what they would need to know before telling you more.
3. What Concerns You About My Case?
This may be one of the most useful questions you can ask a divorce lawyer.
Clients understandably spend a lot of time thinking about the facts that support their position. They know what their spouse did wrong. They know why their proposed outcome seems fair. They know the evidence that supports their version of events.
Your lawyer needs to look at the other side of the case, too.
Ask the attorney what concerns them.
Is there a fact that could hurt your position? Is there financial information that needs to be investigated? Is there a custody issue that a judge might view differently than you do? Are you taking a position that could cost more to litigate than it is realistically worth? Is there something you are doing right now that the attorney would advise you to stop doing?
You are not hiring a divorce attorney to tell you that you are right about everything.
Part of a lawyer's job is to identify risk before that risk becomes a problem.
An attorney who can respectfully tell you where your case may be vulnerable is much more valuable than one who spends the consultation telling you how strong your case is before doing their due diligence.
4. What Would You Do First?
A divorce can present what feels like 20 urgent problems at once.
The house. The bank accounts. The children. Support. Attorney's fees. A difficult text from your spouse. A disputed credit card charge. A school decision. A document you cannot access. Something your spouse said yesterday.
Not all of those things are equally important.
Ask the attorney what they would prioritize if you hired them.
The answer can tell you a great deal about how that lawyer thinks strategically.
Does something actually require immediate court intervention? Is there information that should be gathered before taking action? Does money need to be preserved? Should targeted discovery happen first? Is there a temporary issue that needs to be stabilized while the larger case proceeds?
And sometimes, is the best immediate move not to react at all?
Good divorce strategy requires prioritization. Your lawyer should be able to distinguish between something that feels urgent and something that actually affects the outcome of the case.
5. How Do You Decide When to Negotiate and When to Go to Court?
Prospective clients sometimes ask whether a divorce lawyer is “aggressive.”
The answer does not necessarily tell you very much.
A lawyer can be aggressive and ineffective. A lawyer can also be calm, exceptionally prepared, and extremely difficult to litigate against.
A more useful question is how the attorney creates and uses leverage, how they decide when negotiation is likely to produce a good result, and when court intervention is necessary.
Some issues should be resolved without litigation if possible. Court proceedings cost money, consume time, and introduce uncertainty. A negotiated resolution can sometimes give both parties more control over the result.
But endless negotiation is not a virtue, either.
If the other party continually delays, refuses to provide necessary information, violates agreements, dissipates assets, or simply will not meaningfully engage, continued negotiation may stop being productive. At some point, filing a motion, obtaining a hearing date, conducting formal discovery, or otherwise creating legal pressure may be necessary to move the case forward.
A strong divorce attorney should be comfortable doing both.
The objective should not be to litigate everything or settle everything. It should be to determine which approach is most likely to advance your interests on the particular issue in front of you.
6. What Is Your Overall Philosophy About Divorce Cases?
Different divorce lawyers practice differently.
Some attorneys are highly evaluative and will tell clients exactly what they recommend. Others tend to present options and leave most decisions to the client. Some favor early settlement efforts. Others are more litigation-oriented.
There is not necessarily one correct philosophy. But you should understand the approach of the person you may be hiring.
Ask how they think about settlement. Ask how they approach high-conflict cases. Ask what happens when a client wants to pursue something the lawyer believes is strategically unwise. Ask how they balance short-term wins against the client's larger objectives.
You might also ask what they consider a successful outcome.
Is success measured solely by obtaining the most favorable result on a particular issue? Or does the attorney also consider the cost of getting there, the client's long-term goals, the effect on an ongoing co-parenting relationship, and the risks of continued litigation?
Divorce involves law, but it also involves judgment.
The attorney's philosophy matters because it will influence countless decisions throughout your case.
7. Who Will Actually Work on My Divorce?
If you are interviewing a law firm rather than a solo practitioner, ask how the team works.
Who will be primarily responsible for your case? Who will appear in court? Will an associate attorney handle certain issues? What role do paralegals play? Who should you contact with routine questions?
Having multiple professionals work on a divorce case can be an advantage. In a well-run firm, different work can be handled by the person best suited to perform it. A client generally should not need to pay the highest-billing attorney to perform every administrative or routine task in the case.
But you should understand the structure before you hire the firm.
8. How Will You Communicate With Me About My Case?
Ask about communication, but go beyond simply asking how quickly emails are returned.
How does the lawyer typically explain important developments? How frequently should you expect updates? Who should you contact when a question arises? What happens when something is genuinely urgent?
It is also worth paying attention to how the lawyer communicates during the consultation itself.
Do you understand their explanations?
Can they explain a complicated legal issue without making you feel lost?
Do they answer the question you actually asked?
Can you disagree without feeling dismissed?
And consider how much guidance you personally want.
Some clients want an attorney to explain every available option and allow them to choose. Others want an attorney who will say, “Here are the options, but this is what I recommend and here is why.”
Neither preference is inherently wrong.
The important thing is whether the attorney's communication style works for you.
9. What Can I Do to Keep My Legal Fees Under Control?
You should absolutely understand what your lawyer charges before hiring them.
Ask about hourly rates, the initial retainer, replenishment requirements, billing practices, and the rates of associates and paralegals who may work on your case. Ask if experts such as forensic accountants, business valuation professionals, or custody professionals may be necessary.
But asking an attorney during an initial consultation, “How much will my divorce cost?” may not produce a particularly useful answer. Be cautious of anyone who gives you a confident number at the outset; lawyers are not psychics and cannot predict how your spouse will behave, what positions they will take, or what will happen as the case unfolds.
The cost of a contested divorce can depend heavily on factors neither you nor your lawyer completely controls: the complexity of the finances, the amount of discovery required, the conduct of the other party, the approach taken by opposing counsel, the number of contested issues, whether experts are required, and ultimately whether the case settles or proceeds to trial.
A much more useful question is: What can I do to keep my legal fees under control?
There are often things clients can do to make their representation more efficient.
That might mean organizing financial records before sending them to counsel, responding promptly to requests for information, using a paralegal when appropriate, or consolidating non-urgent questions rather than sending numerous separate communications throughout the day.
It can also mean being strategic about conflict.
A $500 dispute should not necessarily generate $5,000 in legal fees simply because the other spouse is being unreasonable. At the same time, an issue that looks small in isolation may matter because of its larger strategic significance.
Ask the attorney how they think about proportionality and legal spend.
You want a lawyer who understands that the objective is not simply to “win” individual arguments. The objective is to achieve the best overall outcome while making thoughtful decisions about where your time, money, and energy are spent.
Pay Attention to the Questions the Divorce Lawyer Asks You
Not everything you need to learn during a divorce consultation requires asking a question yourself.
Pay attention to what the attorney asks you.
Are they trying to understand your priorities, or merely gathering facts?
Do they ask what outcome matters most to you?
Do they ask enough questions before giving you an opinion?
Do they distinguish between facts they know and assumptions that still need to be verified?
If you have children, do they ask about the actual parenting arrangement rather than immediately jumping to labels like “50/50 custody”?
If your case involves substantial assets, do their questions begin to identify what financial information may be missing, what may need to be valued, or what needs further investigation?
You are not expected to know every legal issue you should be discussing. That is part of why you are consulting a family law attorney in the first place.
A good consultation should therefore involve the lawyer identifying issues you may not have recognized yourself, not expecting you to arrive with the perfect list of questions. In fact, the lawyer should have plenty of questions of their own.
Pay attention to what they ask. Thoughtful, specific questions can tell you whether the attorney is genuinely trying to understand you, your priorities, and the particular dynamics of your case. Not simply working from the same script they use with everyone.
The quality of an attorney's questions can tell you as much as the quality of their answers.
Pay Attention to How You Feel During the Consultation
This may be the least technical advice in this article, but it is important.
You may be working with your divorce attorney during one of the most stressful periods of your life. You need to be able to communicate candidly with that person, including about facts that may be uncomfortable, embarrassing, or unfavorable to your position.
So, yes, personality and fit matter.
But “Did I like this person?” is probably not the best test.
You do not necessarily need to leave your consultation feeling happier than when you arrived.
You should leave feeling clearer.
A good divorce lawyer may tell you something disappointing. They may push back on an assumption. They may explain that an outcome you hoped for is unlikely. They may tell you that something you desperately want to fight about is probably not worth the financial or emotional cost of pursuing it.
That can still be an excellent consultation.
Ask yourself:
Did I feel heard?
Did the lawyer understand what actually matters to me?
Did their explanation make sense?
Could I ask questions without feeling dismissed or rushed?
Did they acknowledge uncertainty when appropriate?
Did I feel comfortable telling them something that might not make me look particularly good?
Did they seem interested in solving my problem rather than simply escalating the fight?
And would I trust this person to tell me the truth when the truth is not what I want to hear?
There is also something less tangible here.
You are going to have difficult conversations with your divorce attorney. You may receive emails from them when you are angry, scared, or overwhelmed. You may have to make significant decisions with incomplete information. There may be moments when your attorney advises you not to do the thing you very much want to do.
You do not need to become best friends with your lawyer.
But you do need a working relationship in which you can communicate openly and trust their judgment.
The Best Divorce Consultation Should Give You More Clarity
If you are preparing for an initial consultation with a Los Angeles divorce lawyer, the goal is not to solve your entire divorce in one conversation.
It is an opportunity to understand the legal landscape, identify immediate concerns, begin thinking about strategy, and determine whether the attorney is someone you want beside you through the process.
Of course, experience matters. Fees matter. Credentials matter.
But so do judgment, communication, candor, and fit.
The right divorce attorney should be able to advocate forcefully when necessary without treating conflict as an end in itself. They should be willing to tell you when something is worth fighting for and when it probably is not. They should understand what matters to you while still giving you objective advice about risk.
And they should know when they have enough information to advise you, and when they need to learn more before doing so.
Most importantly, you should come away from the conversation with a better understanding of where you stand and what should happen next.
Because during a divorce, you will have plenty of people willing to tell you what you want to hear. What you need from your lawyer is someone you trust to tell you what you need to know.
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At Emily Rubenstein Law, we represent clients throughout Los Angeles in complex premarital agreement, divorce, child custody, and high-conflict family law matters. Our approach combines strategic litigation and negotiation with a deep understanding of the interpersonal and emotional dynamics that often shape these cases behind the scenes. We proudly serve Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, West Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Culver City, the South Bay, Glendale, Pasadena, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Encino and all of Los Angeles County.
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